A Thimbleful of Hope Read online

  ‘What can anyone say to change their opinions when they believe in gossip and rumour, not fact?’ he said glumly. ‘There’s no point in me wasting my breath.’

  She bowed her head. He had let her down again, her own father.

  ‘I need money to pay Mr Young tomorrow morning,’ she said.

  ‘You must ask him to extend credit for another month, sweet-talk him into it, if necessary.’

  ‘He won’t agree to that. He made it very clear,’ she said, but he wasn’t listening, his attention drawn to a couple who were walking towards them.

  ‘Edward, Mrs Chittenden, good afternoon. I was planning to call on you,’ he said, raising his hat.

  Violet gripped his arm and looked away. ‘Please, don’t.’

  ‘Out of compassion for your old friend who was like a brother to you, give me a moment of your time. I need money, a loan,’ Pa blurted out. ‘Just a few hundred.’

  ‘How much? You are joking?’ Uncle Edward said as his wife tried to jostle him away.

  ‘Edward, we mustn’t be seen associating with these people – a dishonest tradesman and a woman of dubious repute.’

  ‘I’ll pay you back, with interest,’ Pa went on.

  Ignoring his wife, Uncle Edward smirked as he leaned on his stick.

  ‘Come on, Sidney, I wasn’t born yesterday. You’re on the verge of bankruptcy. Your ship has sailed, and everyone knows it. Why on earth would I lend you a single penny?’

  ‘Because I’m desperate,’ Pa begged, almost on bended knee. ‘I’ve lost money hand over fist.’

  ‘Which is entirely your responsibility. You put your trust in a scoundrel and dropped your old friends. I’m warning you now that I’ve commissioned a bankruptcy order to claim back the rest of the money you owe me for the Dover Belle. You’ve made a right royal mess of things and I shan’t give you a spade to dig yourself out of the hole you’re in because you’ll only use it to dig yourself deeper.’ Uncle Edward poked him in the chest with his stick. Pa didn’t move. ‘You are a disgrace of a father, a husband and a friend. Good day, sir.’ He turned to his wife. ‘Come along, my dear.’

  The Chittendens crossed the street and by the time a coach and horses had driven past, they had disappeared from view.

  ‘Father, are things as bad as Uncle Edward says they are? Did he mean what he said about making you bankrupt?’ Violet trembled – the confrontation had been most unpleasant. ‘Tell me the truth,’ she went on, before realising that it was unlikely that her father, whose shoulders had sagged like one of May’s cakes, would come clean.

  ‘They aren’t good, but something will turn up – all I need is a little windfall.’

  ‘What can we do in the meantime? There are bills to pay.’

  ‘I have some shares in the London, Chatham and Dover Railway. I’ll find a broker who will sell them – that will bring in enough to keep the wolf from the door.’

  Violet didn’t trust him any more. She understood Miss Whiteway better now. She’d been right to teach them to question their decisions, to be inquisitive about the world and develop the means of supporting themselves. She remembered her in the schoolroom, how she had suggested that one day she might use her embroidery skills to make a living. She might need them after today, because she couldn’t see how they could continue to rely on their father.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tea with Milk and Plenty of Sugar

  Several days had passed since her father’s confrontation with the Chittendens, and Violet had barely spoken to him since, even though he’d started spending more time at home than at the office. In the mornings, he hid himself away in his study, and in the afternoons, he sat quietly holding Mama’s hand.

  ‘There you are, Violet. You can’t keep avoiding me, you know.’

  She turned at the sound of her father’s voice, saying, ‘You scared the life out of me. Excuse me.’ She made to continue into the kitchen on an errand to fetch cake for her sisters.

  ‘Wait. This is important.’

  She froze as her father placed his heavy hand on her shoulder.

  ‘Let me go.’ The hairs on her neck stood up on end. ‘I can’t bear to look at you. Let me go,’ she repeated.

  He stepped away, his hands at his sides.

  ‘I want to say how sorry I am,’ he said in a low voice.

  ‘It’s too late for that. You’ve failed me, your daughter.’

  ‘I know, and I’ll never forgive myself. I’m not asking you to forgive me for the way I’ve behaved, just for you to listen. Give me a minute of your time. Please …’

  There was something in the tone of his voice that made her hesitate. Was there any harm in hearing what he had to say? She nodded her assent.

  ‘Thank you,’ he sighed. ‘I’ve been a fool and a terrible judge of character. I encouraged you to marry Mr Brooke, a thief and a conman – I was flattered by his attention – he chose me above others as the man he wished to do business with, he treated me as a son might treat his father, with great respect and affection, and deep consideration for the fortunes of the Rayfields.

  ‘I’d always been careful in matters of business, but with the loss of the Dover Belle and the downturn in our fortunes, I threw caution to the wind. Mr Chittenden and I looked into his background and tried to check his stories – he was a great raconteur – but we didn’t find out much about him. To my regret, I ignored Edward’s reservations against engaging with him.’

  Violet noticed that her father smelled of claret.

  ‘He put you through immeasurable torment and there will be more to come. I’m so ashamed that I can barely look you in the eyes, and as for your mother and sisters … well, I’m grateful that my dear wife doesn’t understand what has gone on. I’ve been sitting with her and dwelling on what has passed between us – we married for love and against her father’s wishes, but it turned out for the best. I’ve never stopped loving her …’ He swallowed hard. ‘I remember how she used to take such care in her dress, matching the colour of her jewels with her skirts every time she accompanied me to a ball or a dinner. Oh yes, we had our differences, but how I miss her sharp wit and humour! How I wish I’d insisted against the green wallpaper, but she would have it!’

  ‘Ma’s illness has nothing to do with it,’ Violet said. ‘Doctor Hawkes said so.’

  ‘He was wrong. It’s become generally accepted in medical circles that Miss Whiteway’s views on arsenic were right.’

  ‘Then we wronged her when she was only trying to help.’

  ‘I know that now and I’m truly sorry.’

  ‘You realise what this means, Father. We can have the paper replaced and Ma will be cured.’

  ‘It’s true that the house can be redecorated, but it’s too late for Patience. I have it on good authority that her health will never be restored even by removing the source of the poison. Her nerves are irretrievably damaged. She will never be herself again.’

  ‘How can we know that without trying?’

  ‘Because it is certain. There is no point … She is on her way out.’

  ‘Then there is no hope for her,’ she said, her optimism dashed.

  ‘Everything has gone awry.’ Her father held out his hands, but she didn’t take them.

  ‘I’ll never forget how you threatened to disown me. You were concerned only with the loss of the gold, not me, or Arvin. Why do you expect me to feel any compassion for you now?’

  ‘Because you are still my daughter, and I love you with all my heart.’

  She gazed at him, sensing his anguish. Could she forgive this broken man?

  ‘Oh, Pa,’ she said softly, remembering back to a time before Mr Brooke had come into their lives. ‘I love you too and I forgive you for everything that’s happened. We both did what we thought was right out of regard for our family.’

  ‘Thank you, my dear Violet. Your forgiveness is more than I deserve. I’m deeply grateful, even though I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve put you all through,’ he said, his v
oice breaking as he turned away and headed for the door.

  ‘Where are you going?’ she said, following him.

  ‘Out,’ he replied.

  ‘You are going to St Mary’s?’

  ‘That’s a good idea. I will go and pray.’

  ‘And you will be back by this evening, so we can all dine together?’ Violet went on, but he didn’t stop to answer. She watched him put on his coat and shoes, then pick up his cane and leave the house with Wilson fussing and closing the door behind him. She had capitulated, but on her terms, and she felt much better, having found it in her heart to forgive him for the way he had treated her and William. Perhaps he would return home in a better state of mind than he’d been in for a while, and she would be able to broach the subject of her unborn child.

  ‘Where’s Pa?’ Eleanor asked a while later as dusk began to fall, and the gaslights began to glow on the streets.

  ‘He’s gone to church,’ Violet said. ‘He’ll be back for dinner.’

  But he didn’t turn up and May was grumbling that the roast chicken would be dried out by the time it reached the table.

  ‘Should we go ahead?’ Eleanor asked. ‘I’ll take some broth up to Mama later.’

  ‘Perhaps we should delay another half-hour. I’m not hungry,’ Violet said.

  ‘I am,’ Eleanor said, so Violet gave in and the three sisters sat at the table, chewing on stringy chicken and burned potatoes.

  ‘I’ll have yours if you don’t want it, Violet,’ Eleanor said. ‘We have to make the most of what we have, if we’re going to be poor and live on scraps and go about in rags, begging on the streets.’

  ‘Who on earth put that idea into your head?’ Violet asked.

  ‘Mrs Pryor said something the other day. It’s common knowledge that Pa’s in trouble.’

  ‘He won’t let us starve,’ Ottilie said fiercely. ‘You shouldn’t listen to the likes of our nosy neighbour.’

  ‘Don’t talk to me like that,’ Eleanor said snappily. ‘I have more intelligence in my little finger than you have in your head.’

  ‘Sisters, please don’t quarrel. Father will be upset if he comes home to find you’ve fallen out,’ Violet interjected, wondering how bad things would get. Would they still have a roof over their heads at the end of the year?

  ‘Where is he? He always lets us know if he’s going out for dinner.’ Eleanor looked up from her plate. ‘Oh, he’s back. Listen.’

  ‘He must have forgotten his key.’ Violet frowned as the ringing of the doorbell was replaced by a hammering sound. A few minutes later, Wilson appeared, showing William Noble and a police constable into the dining room.

  ‘These two gentlemen wish to speak to you, ladies,’ he said. ‘I asked them if it could wait, but—’

  ‘Is your mother at home?’ William stepped forwards.

  ‘She isn’t to be disturbed,’ Violet said quietly, her strength deserting her at the sight of their sombre expressions. Something was terribly amiss.

  ‘Then I’m forced to break the news to you and your sisters.’

  ‘It’s Pa, isn’t it? Our father?’

  ‘There is no gentle way to say this …’

  ‘Oh no,’ she gasped.

  ‘It isn’t possible. You’ve made a mistake!’ Eleanor exclaimed as Ottilie stood up and moved round to comfort her.

  ‘Are you sure that it’s him?’ Ottilie asked.

  ‘I saw Mr Rayfield walking through town earlier, heading for the cliffs. I greeted him, and he nodded back. Not imagining that he was about to do anything untoward, I carried on with my business. I’m very sorry …’

  Frozen with shock, Violet stood stock-still. Why hadn’t she seen this coming? Why hadn’t she suggested that she accompany him earlier that afternoon? All his talk of love and forgiveness – he had been saying goodbye.

  ‘I’ve identified him – I felt it was for the best,’ William said. ‘The constable here says the body can be released as soon as a doctor certifies the cause of … your father’s passing.’

  ‘He must have fallen by accident,’ Ottilie muttered.

  ‘The unfortunate gentleman was seen in an agitated state,’ the constable said. ‘I have witnesses who say they saw him walking back and forth along the cliff path before he stopped, turned and took a running jump.’

  This was getting worse, Violet thought, looking at the tears running down Eleanor’s cheeks.

  ‘He wouldn’t have done it,’ Ottilie said. ‘He loved us – he’d never abandon us in this cruel way. It’s impossible. This is a malicious rumour, constable. You must take it back.’

  ‘Miss Rayfield, please,’ William said. ‘I’ve seen your father’s body with my own eyes – he must have died instantly without suffering, so that part I can vouch for myself. Who were these alleged witnesses, constable? You have their names?’

  The constable took his notebook from his pocket, opened it and read out the names of a lady and two gentlemen, and the lady’s statement, describing her distress at having seen a person running full pelt towards the edge of the cliff with neither the means nor the intention of stopping.

  ‘My apologies for causing you further upset, ladies, but it’s important that you hear the full circumstances of the manner of your father’s death,’ he went on.

  ‘Thank you,’ Violet said, her mind racing ahead.

  ‘There is much to do,’ William said softly as though reading her thoughts. ‘If you have no objection, I’ll take it upon myself to arrange for the vicar of St Mary’s to call on you tomorrow. The constable here is familiar with these cases and has advised me of the possible complications which may arise.’

  ‘Will there be an inquest?’ Violet worried that the Rayfields would be exposed to further notoriety if the coroner decided to interview the witnesses and the family in front of a jury.

  ‘The coroner may be satisfied with my report – I’ll see what can be done. Is there anything else?’ the constable said.

  ‘No. No, I don’t think so,’ Violet said. ‘We’re very grateful for your assistance.’

  ‘Then I’ll take my leave.’

  ‘We’ll see ourselves out. If there’s anything I can do, you must contact me at this address.’ William handed her a card from his inside top pocket, his fingers brushing hers. ‘Please, don’t hesitate. It’s no trouble to me.’

  ‘I appreciate your offer,’ she said, thanking him, yet certain that she wouldn’t take it up. She and her family had imposed on him enough – he had no obligation to them after what had happened with the Dover Belle and her father’s subsequent behaviour. The difficulties and challenges that lay ahead were down to him and it was up to the rest of the Rayfields to overcome them.

  She showed William to the front door and watched him descend the steps, turn and doff his hat, and her heart clenched with grief. Without her father, with Mama ill, and Ottilie in a state of denial, and Eleanor being so young and having led a sheltered life, she felt responsible for the rest of her family – and much older than her years after everything she’d gone through, thanks to Arvin.

  ‘Miss, is there anything I can do?’ Wilson joined her in the hall.

  She took a deep breath and composed herself.

  ‘I’d be grateful if you’d send word to our aunt and cousin, so we can receive them tomorrow morning. I’m sure Aunt Felicity will want to comfort Mama in her hour of need.’

  ‘Consider it done.’ Wilson was nearly in tears. ‘I’m sorry for your loss – the master was a troubled man, but I can’t believe that he went and jumped.’

  ‘Neither can I.’ Was it her fault? Should she have been kinder to him, even after the way he’d threatened William when he was chasing after the gold? With a heavy heart, Violet returned to the dining room where Ottilie and Eleanor were holding hands, with tears running down their faces. Tonight, she would mourn their loss with Mama and her sisters. Tomorrow, she would turn her mind to practical matters.

  Aunt Felicity turned up on their doorstep the next morning. Wi
lson relieved her of her luggage.

  ‘Oh, my dear Violet. How are you and your sisters, and my dear Patience? I can’t believe that Mr Rayfield has gone!’

  ‘You don’t know the half of it,’ Violet said, unsure if she was pleased to see her. She hoped that her presence would soothe Mama, but it rattled Violet’s nerves. Not wanting an inquisition or advice, she had laced her stays a little tighter than usual and arranged a shawl across her shoulders, letting it drape across her front to hide any tell-tale curves from Aunt Felicity’s enquiring eyes. ‘Come in – you can’t have had time for breakfast.’

  ‘Tea with milk and plenty of sugar would be most welcome.’

  ‘Where is Jane?’ Violet asked.

  ‘I judged it best that she remain at home at this difficult time.’

  Was that because she didn’t want her daughter mired in the Rayfields’ troubles? Was it because she was afraid that Jane’s reputation would be ruined by association?

  Violet showed her to the parlour where Mama was sitting propped up in a gown and bedcoat. Eleanor was beside her, holding a bowl of porridge and a silver spoon.

  ‘She won’t eat a thing,’ she said mournfully.

  ‘Oh dear,’ Aunt Felicity said. ‘I didn’t realise – my poor sister, she has lost so much weight. Allow me …’ She took the bowl and raised the spoon to Mama’s lips, but the porridge merely trickled down her chin.

  ‘She’s been bad recently,’ Eleanor remarked.

  ‘Do you think she knows about …?’

  ‘We’ve told her, but we don’t think she understands.’

  ‘What about calling the doctor? She can’t go on like this.’

  ‘They’ve already confirmed that there’s nothing they can do,’ Violet said.

  ‘Even though Patience is wasting away? Where are the nurses?’

  ‘Our father dismissed them. He thought we should care for her ourselves.’

  ‘What made him think you could do it? You have no experience or training.’

  ‘We’ve done our best,’ Violet said sharply.

  Her aunt looked suitably contrite. ‘I’m sorry – it’s just such a shock to see her like this. The last time I called on her, she was speaking a little. Now she is mute and unlikely to recover …’